forgive me

Forgive me
whoever
for I have sinned.
It's been several minutes since
my last internal confession,
for to retrain my biases,
they must be brought out into the light,
dusted off and beaten like an old rug over a Sicilian balcony,
then re-dyed with natural colors
of vegetables, flowers, leaves, insects,
or any other thing that will seep in through all the fibers
and stay stained.
Beautifully.

Forgive me
whoever
for I have sinned.
It's been one second
since my last internal confession,
for directly upon the conclusion of the previous confession,
I thought of You.
I cursed You in my head.
I don't know if You exist.

I can't even fathom the number of times
throughout human history
a pious
or religious
or unbelieving person
must have looked up at the heavens,
shaken a real or symbolic fist,
whether in tears, blood, or 
purely 
devastating 
desperation, and asked 
WHY.

"Why me?" from a Tutsi on the run,
his entire family hunted down and murdered by machete.
"Why me?" from a gay Jew, hobbling by,
carrying bricks on his back and smelling the smoke
of burned flesh
from the chimneys.
"Por qué yo?"
from a sobbing and frightened child,
behind bars somewhere near the Rio Grande,
not knowing if
or when
she will ever be reunited
with her mother.
"Why me?" with
George Floyd's
last
breath.

And on his death bed
John Lewis said,
"People on every continent have stood
in your shoes,
though decades and centuries
before you."
But why
does this
repeat?

Forgive me
whoever
for I have sinned.
Again.
How could You
allow these things
to happen?
Where are You
now?

10 thoughts on “forgive me

    1. Thanks very much for your feedback. And yes – I wrote it in trying to make sense of everything. I’m not there yet because things aren’t better yet… maybe one day soon.

      Like

  1. Powerful and full of sorrow and confusion. There is so much sadness and injustice in the world. My confession might be sometimes I just can’t fully take it in. I keep it at arm’s length and go about the mundane activities, keeping the thoughts of such evil and sadness far away. The repetition was powerful and as a Catholic, your refrain called to mind prayers I’d say as a child…..the choice to not address the hight power as “Father” or “God” is another layer of rebellion maybe or even irony in asking forgiveness from a being that allows such pain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. I don’t even know what to say to this. Thank you so much for your thoughtful (and well-written :)) reply. I can totally relate to keeping things at arm’s length and going about the routine. I think there is so much to be said for “keeping busy” in the face of things that are hard to handle.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It seems as if people throughout history have be asking, “Why me?” and not really getting an answer. Unf, until there other is real change in each and every one of us the question is doomed to be repeated and no answer given.

    Like

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